Dear Sir,
I am addressing this exclusively to men, and in fact to a special kind of man who I know exists because I've read his comments on various websites, listened to him laugh at women MPs while she takes her turn in speaking, guys who specialise in intimidating their new female colleagues, making sure she never feels that comfortable at work. Men who clearly have done fuck all research on the sexism they are dogmatically, absolutely pontificating on, but have a second hand observation that trumps all other arguments. Yes, even the people who are reporting their experiences in the first-person, where they cite extensive academic studies, surveys, official reports and basic, everyday, right-in-front-of-you facts, even these people can't stand before the almighty authority of this one guy's anecdote. Yes, your "observation" from that one time, made a comprehensive fact in the present simple tense, that is all you have to say on the matter. No listening, no researching, no understanding. Doesn't want to. Self preservation must come first.
Because if you dare admit that things aren't fair, if you stop telling us that we are whiny bitches for wanting fair treatment, if you just say "yes, we are not on a level playing field, men have an advantage over women in almost all parts of life and we need to change it," if you were to do any of that, you would condemn yourselves.
Not men in general. No, men have such an ingrained advantage over women, culturally, economically, politically, I actually think true equality may never be possible - our collective ideas are too entrenched, they are too reinforced by the rotation of our daily rituals. Mankind is absolutely fine, strong, ahead of their female partners forever (which is a real shame for men. I will go into the benefits guys get from feminism in a later post.)
You, however, you as an individual man, are utterly fucked.
You're asking why. I think you know why. Allow me to speculate about you.
You make it obvious when you try to flip it. Most of the time, when someone is getting a raw deal, people don't insist blindly that the victim is meant to suffer because "it is the way it is," or that the crime isn't even happening or that they aren't really the victim in the situation: imagine if the white people of the deep south in the 60s tried to insist that it was actually the black people oppressing them. It's not idiocy, it's calculation. These guys explain away inequality as a gut reaction, desperately trying to squash these voices that keep telling their stories.
The more women become equal, the more of us you're running against, the lower you get ranked. Not on a basis of gender, but on a basis of skill. 50 years ago, your male elders only really competed against other men - specifically, other white men. Women and people who weren't white were relegated to offstage roles, unfit and unsuited to the working world of dogged rivalry and triumph over others. When you insulted the others, you feminised them, because to be a woman was to be weak. It must have been really, very easy to win in those days - the scale of talent must have been really, very limited.
But now, we are running exactly the same race as you. And many of us are actually doing better than you, much better than you. Actually talented guys aren't worried, they are happy to have us on their teams, their skills have stood up to the extra competition and they now see past that to the actual, desirable result of having a greater range and standard of skills.
Their confidence is fine.
But you, Mr. Misandry-Online, are horrified - before the 70s, you would have profited from the limited talent pool, your barely-there ability made to look better by an optical illusion. Now, the sheer number of players drives you down from the top to off the radar. The men who were better than you were always going to do better, but may be before you could have become their right hand man, there wasn't a lot of choice after all. Now it is statistically impossible for you to claw your way out of the mediocre middle. Women, before quiet and non-existent in the world of work, have humiliated you by outstripping you with such seemingly natural ease.
So when women say to you, "you know, we've not got a fair deal" it makes you explode.
Give them a fair deal?! You mean they've been doing as well as you or even better with less to work with!? Christ, what would it be like if they fucking WERE equal!
And so you insist it doesn't happen, that it isn't such a big deal, that you too are being victimised by the system.
You want to perpetuate inequality.
Fear forces you to refuse. Humiliation compels you to insist it's the other way around.
And the entire time you make us feel bad about ourselves, you abuse us, tell us our looks are our currency, call us an aggressive bitch if we are too easily sailing past you. It must sting that we keep doing it, despite being hindered by history, that we so effortlessly render your obsolescence.
Night.
Friday 29 November 2013
Sunday 3 November 2013
Racist rant/rant about racism
So, as I mentioned in my last post, which is one of the most depressing things I have ever phlegmed-up, I mentioned that I am now at university. Again.
It's been a while, 3 years, in fact, and like trying on a pair of trousers that used to be your favourites back when you were 22, there is an uncomfortably sad moment of realisation that you've changed shape in some way that stops the trousers fitting you like they used to, a reality-based moment which still can not bleach-clean your initial delight of finding the blessed relics in the first place. In short, although I'm freaking out that I have changed a lot since I was at university, I'm utterly delighted to be back in a place that has such holy connections for me.
Hang on, I'll get on to the main point in a tic, I just want to make an observation. Moments that are special to us often get that holy-like quality, becoming symbols of everything that we wish life were like, all the more giddily-held because of the fact that they ACTUALLY HAPPENED while we were ACTUALLY THERE, the living specimen that proves our theory correct. But because it was so long ago and far away, the details drop out of focus. We stop seeing the pointilist detail and instead think the experience was pure, concentrated fantagasm. We do this collectively, on a historical basis too. My generation is often knocked by the one before it as being the laziest, most feckless there is, even though the shit-poor economic situation started when we were sequestered in schools, universities or low-end jobs. And this sneerful attitude is formed by the fact that certain individuals of that generation cannot reflect with accurate, mirror-like perception on the errors of their own lifetime. I would go into more detail on this, but I want to talk about something else.
I'm living in halls, and living in halls comes with the caveat that you will be co-habiting with a bunch of randomly selected other students. Sure, on the application form you had to specify if you were an early-to-bed or a late-to-bed, but besides everything else, there is no common factor between you and your new halls-buddies. This isn't necessarily a problem, but anyone can appreciate some....issues that may arise.
In my halls, there are 3 English people, including myself, and the rest are Chinese people.
Guess who I have a problem with
Ok, that's enough time.
The two English girls I met I find difficult to like. For the purposes of this account, let's call them Liz and Carys. Because those are their names and no one actually reads this.
Anyway, my problems with them so far;
1.) When I first moved in, they had both been here for just under a week, and they were BFFs already. I am very awkward around people, and I always have been, but as I get older the awkwardness is materialising more as wariness. I'm not so much anti-social, as I was 10 years ago and a teenager terrified of the concept of human interaction. Instead, now I know how to get friends, I'm very very selective regarding who I leave my books, my computer and myself for. And I can't help but feel a sort of suspicion for people who can form a sorority/fraternity-like bond with people they don't really know.
2.) The first day I moved in, they showed me the cupboards (which I'd already figured out, thanks. I know how cupboards work,) and then followed it up with a synchronised whinge about how the Chinese don't occupy the maximum amount of space. For what felt like 10 minutes of me nodding, and saying "yes, that's annoying." A few hours later, after buying some plates and things, I found about 2 whole cupboards, full of nothing. These cunts took up my time, bored me solid, made me feel all nervous about a possible confrontation divided along race lines, because they can't fucking open a cupboard.
3.) I'm not entirely sure if I'm being overly PC, but I think they're racist.
First warning sign, they kept emphasizing how EVERYONE in our flat was Chinese. Ok, it may be a bit surprising, but after the 40th mention, I get it. Ok, I understand. It's a surprise how there does seem to have been a bit of racial grouping by the university, but it happens. Then Carys said (all together now)
"We're not racist, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut.........................
all the non-Asian people have been looking for each other to connect with."
I can't help but feel that this is a racially charged sentiment, and naive to the point of idiocy.
"All the non-Asian people have been looking for each other."
Well, in an English city, in England, in Britain... Shouldn't be too hard, but what makes you think you'll like the non-Asian people? I fucking detest the ones I've just spent time with.
The concept that I will bond with you because I share a nationality with you would make sense in what universe?
The only example I can think of is when I was in France, the anglo-phones DID associate with the
other anglo-phones, because yes, I admit that there is an element of "oh fucking good, you're an English speaker.." But those circumstances were totally different, in being national aliens in a country whose language we don't share! There is a real sense of relief from this experience, which you can only experience from actually spending a significant amount of time alone in a foreign country. Because even if the Information Guy at Gare de Nord does speak English, if you're panicking about your health insurance, it's so much more comforting to here what you need to do in a thick London accent, given by a wearied veteran traveller with a sense of "I know where you're from, I understand how it's different where you're from, and here is how you need to adjust."
That is a position where hearing your own language, spoken in your own accent, is a fucking godsend.
We are categorically not in that position. The Chinese flatmates ARE in that position. Which would explain why they would have been stand offish and shy. Which they totally haven't been, btw, they have been fucking lovely, polite and generous at every opportunity.
Oh, and at a pub quizz, about 7 of these English people cheerfully named themselves the "committee of non-Asian residents." When called up on this, one of them actually said something along the lines of:
"we had this segregation forced on us."
Except they really haven't: they have been placed in a flat which is (at a guess) 60% Chinese, probably less, and you have been placed in here in these dormitories, at a ratio of 5 to 3, maybe more, maybe less. You really, really have not been segregated.
Quite the opposite.
In your native country, in your English-speaking city, where most people are white natives, you are living in the most racially diverse bit. You have been integrated, and you are rejecting said integration.
.....
Is this racist? Should people be entitled to live in buildings where they are not outnumbered by other nationalities? Is the anger I feel these people have, when talking about the encroaching Chinese property in their cupboards, when haughtily disregarding our uncomfortable observation, is this justified? Should I talk to someone official about this?
It's been a while, 3 years, in fact, and like trying on a pair of trousers that used to be your favourites back when you were 22, there is an uncomfortably sad moment of realisation that you've changed shape in some way that stops the trousers fitting you like they used to, a reality-based moment which still can not bleach-clean your initial delight of finding the blessed relics in the first place. In short, although I'm freaking out that I have changed a lot since I was at university, I'm utterly delighted to be back in a place that has such holy connections for me.
Hang on, I'll get on to the main point in a tic, I just want to make an observation. Moments that are special to us often get that holy-like quality, becoming symbols of everything that we wish life were like, all the more giddily-held because of the fact that they ACTUALLY HAPPENED while we were ACTUALLY THERE, the living specimen that proves our theory correct. But because it was so long ago and far away, the details drop out of focus. We stop seeing the pointilist detail and instead think the experience was pure, concentrated fantagasm. We do this collectively, on a historical basis too. My generation is often knocked by the one before it as being the laziest, most feckless there is, even though the shit-poor economic situation started when we were sequestered in schools, universities or low-end jobs. And this sneerful attitude is formed by the fact that certain individuals of that generation cannot reflect with accurate, mirror-like perception on the errors of their own lifetime. I would go into more detail on this, but I want to talk about something else.
I'm living in halls, and living in halls comes with the caveat that you will be co-habiting with a bunch of randomly selected other students. Sure, on the application form you had to specify if you were an early-to-bed or a late-to-bed, but besides everything else, there is no common factor between you and your new halls-buddies. This isn't necessarily a problem, but anyone can appreciate some....issues that may arise.
In my halls, there are 3 English people, including myself, and the rest are Chinese people.
Guess who I have a problem with
Ok, that's enough time.
The two English girls I met I find difficult to like. For the purposes of this account, let's call them Liz and Carys. Because those are their names and no one actually reads this.
Anyway, my problems with them so far;
1.) When I first moved in, they had both been here for just under a week, and they were BFFs already. I am very awkward around people, and I always have been, but as I get older the awkwardness is materialising more as wariness. I'm not so much anti-social, as I was 10 years ago and a teenager terrified of the concept of human interaction. Instead, now I know how to get friends, I'm very very selective regarding who I leave my books, my computer and myself for. And I can't help but feel a sort of suspicion for people who can form a sorority/fraternity-like bond with people they don't really know.
2.) The first day I moved in, they showed me the cupboards (which I'd already figured out, thanks. I know how cupboards work,) and then followed it up with a synchronised whinge about how the Chinese don't occupy the maximum amount of space. For what felt like 10 minutes of me nodding, and saying "yes, that's annoying." A few hours later, after buying some plates and things, I found about 2 whole cupboards, full of nothing. These cunts took up my time, bored me solid, made me feel all nervous about a possible confrontation divided along race lines, because they can't fucking open a cupboard.
3.) I'm not entirely sure if I'm being overly PC, but I think they're racist.
First warning sign, they kept emphasizing how EVERYONE in our flat was Chinese. Ok, it may be a bit surprising, but after the 40th mention, I get it. Ok, I understand. It's a surprise how there does seem to have been a bit of racial grouping by the university, but it happens. Then Carys said (all together now)
"We're not racist, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut.........................
all the non-Asian people have been looking for each other to connect with."
I can't help but feel that this is a racially charged sentiment, and naive to the point of idiocy.
"All the non-Asian people have been looking for each other."
Well, in an English city, in England, in Britain... Shouldn't be too hard, but what makes you think you'll like the non-Asian people? I fucking detest the ones I've just spent time with.
The concept that I will bond with you because I share a nationality with you would make sense in what universe?
The only example I can think of is when I was in France, the anglo-phones DID associate with the
other anglo-phones, because yes, I admit that there is an element of "oh fucking good, you're an English speaker.." But those circumstances were totally different, in being national aliens in a country whose language we don't share! There is a real sense of relief from this experience, which you can only experience from actually spending a significant amount of time alone in a foreign country. Because even if the Information Guy at Gare de Nord does speak English, if you're panicking about your health insurance, it's so much more comforting to here what you need to do in a thick London accent, given by a wearied veteran traveller with a sense of "I know where you're from, I understand how it's different where you're from, and here is how you need to adjust."
That is a position where hearing your own language, spoken in your own accent, is a fucking godsend.
We are categorically not in that position. The Chinese flatmates ARE in that position. Which would explain why they would have been stand offish and shy. Which they totally haven't been, btw, they have been fucking lovely, polite and generous at every opportunity.
Oh, and at a pub quizz, about 7 of these English people cheerfully named themselves the "committee of non-Asian residents." When called up on this, one of them actually said something along the lines of:
"we had this segregation forced on us."
Except they really haven't: they have been placed in a flat which is (at a guess) 60% Chinese, probably less, and you have been placed in here in these dormitories, at a ratio of 5 to 3, maybe more, maybe less. You really, really have not been segregated.
Quite the opposite.
In your native country, in your English-speaking city, where most people are white natives, you are living in the most racially diverse bit. You have been integrated, and you are rejecting said integration.
.....
Is this racist? Should people be entitled to live in buildings where they are not outnumbered by other nationalities? Is the anger I feel these people have, when talking about the encroaching Chinese property in their cupboards, when haughtily disregarding our uncomfortable observation, is this justified? Should I talk to someone official about this?
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