So, as I mentioned in my last post, which is one of the most depressing things I have ever phlegmed-up, I mentioned that I am now at university. Again.
It's been a while, 3 years, in fact, and like trying on a pair of trousers that used to be your favourites back when you were 22, there is an uncomfortably sad moment of realisation that you've changed shape in some way that stops the trousers fitting you like they used to, a reality-based moment which still can not bleach-clean your initial delight of finding the blessed relics in the first place. In short, although I'm freaking out that I have changed a lot since I was at university, I'm utterly delighted to be back in a place that has such holy connections for me.
Hang on, I'll get on to the main point in a tic, I just want to make an observation. Moments that are special to us often get that holy-like quality, becoming symbols of everything that we wish life were like, all the more giddily-held because of the fact that they ACTUALLY HAPPENED while we were ACTUALLY THERE, the living specimen that proves our theory correct. But because it was so long ago and far away, the details drop out of focus. We stop seeing the pointilist detail and instead think the experience was pure, concentrated fantagasm. We do this collectively, on a historical basis too. My generation is often knocked by the one before it as being the laziest, most feckless there is, even though the shit-poor economic situation started when we were sequestered in schools, universities or low-end jobs. And this sneerful attitude is formed by the fact that certain individuals of that generation cannot reflect with accurate, mirror-like perception on the errors of their own lifetime. I would go into more detail on this, but I want to talk about something else.
I'm living in halls, and living in halls comes with the caveat that you will be co-habiting with a bunch of randomly selected other students. Sure, on the application form you had to specify if you were an early-to-bed or a late-to-bed, but besides everything else, there is no common factor between you and your new halls-buddies. This isn't necessarily a problem, but anyone can appreciate some....issues that may arise.
In my halls, there are 3 English people, including myself, and the rest are Chinese people.
Guess who I have a problem with
Ok, that's enough time.
The two English girls I met I find difficult to like. For the purposes of this account, let's call them Liz and Carys. Because those are their names and no one actually reads this.
Anyway, my problems with them so far;
1.) When I first moved in, they had both been here for just under a week, and they were BFFs already. I am very awkward around people, and I always have been, but as I get older the awkwardness is materialising more as wariness. I'm not so much anti-social, as I was 10 years ago and a teenager terrified of the concept of human interaction. Instead, now I know how to get friends, I'm very very selective regarding who I leave my books, my computer and myself for. And I can't help but feel a sort of suspicion for people who can form a sorority/fraternity-like bond with people they don't really know.
2.) The first day I moved in, they showed me the cupboards (which I'd already figured out, thanks. I know how cupboards work,) and then followed it up with a synchronised whinge about how the Chinese don't occupy the maximum amount of space. For what felt like 10 minutes of me nodding, and saying "yes, that's annoying." A few hours later, after buying some plates and things, I found about 2 whole cupboards, full of nothing. These cunts took up my time, bored me solid, made me feel all nervous about a possible confrontation divided along race lines, because they can't fucking open a cupboard.
3.) I'm not entirely sure if I'm being overly PC, but I think they're racist.
First warning sign, they kept emphasizing how EVERYONE in our flat was Chinese. Ok, it may be a bit surprising, but after the 40th mention, I get it. Ok, I understand. It's a surprise how there does seem to have been a bit of racial grouping by the university, but it happens. Then Carys said (all together now)
"We're not racist, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut.........................
all the non-Asian people have been looking for each other to connect with."
I can't help but feel that this is a racially charged sentiment, and naive to the point of idiocy.
"All the non-Asian people have been looking for each other."
Well, in an English city, in England, in Britain... Shouldn't be too hard, but what makes you think you'll like the non-Asian people? I fucking detest the ones I've just spent time with.
The concept that I will bond with you because I share a nationality with you would make sense in what universe?
The only example I can think of is when I was in France, the anglo-phones DID associate with the
other anglo-phones, because yes, I admit that there is an element of "oh fucking good, you're an English speaker.." But those circumstances were totally different, in being national aliens in a country whose language we don't share! There is a real sense of relief from this experience, which you can only experience from actually spending a significant amount of time alone in a foreign country. Because even if the Information Guy at Gare de Nord does speak English, if you're panicking about your health insurance, it's so much more comforting to here what you need to do in a thick London accent, given by a wearied veteran traveller with a sense of "I know where you're from, I understand how it's different where you're from, and here is how you need to adjust."
That is a position where hearing your own language, spoken in your own accent, is a fucking godsend.
We are categorically not in that position. The Chinese flatmates ARE in that position. Which would explain why they would have been stand offish and shy. Which they totally haven't been, btw, they have been fucking lovely, polite and generous at every opportunity.
Oh, and at a pub quizz, about 7 of these English people cheerfully named themselves the "committee of non-Asian residents." When called up on this, one of them actually said something along the lines of:
"we had this segregation forced on us."
Except they really haven't: they have been placed in a flat which is (at a guess) 60% Chinese, probably less, and you have been placed in here in these dormitories, at a ratio of 5 to 3, maybe more, maybe less. You really, really have not been segregated.
Quite the opposite.
In your native country, in your English-speaking city, where most people are white natives, you are living in the most racially diverse bit. You have been integrated, and you are rejecting said integration.
.....
Is this racist? Should people be entitled to live in buildings where they are not outnumbered by other nationalities? Is the anger I feel these people have, when talking about the encroaching Chinese property in their cupboards, when haughtily disregarding our uncomfortable observation, is this justified? Should I talk to someone official about this?
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